When Omission Becomes Detrimental
After my break-up with Cliff and surviving my Rabid Rebound I was enjoying singledom and hanging out with my best friend, D. Back on our weekly bar crawl, we began to see recurring faces. Two of them became regulars; Colton and Martin seemed to be on the same bar schedule as us. They were friends and equally as stylish and bitchy as D and me.
Martin was a distinguished, older gentleman. Originally from Spain, he grew up in Notting Hill, so he had an intriguing – panty-dropping – Spanish-English accent. As I would lean and listen to him speak, I would catch myself studying the grey streak in his hair that grazed his temple. He was chic, smart, acutely funny and extremely handsome. I knew he was out of my league and didn’t want to take the chance of being rejected or losing his friendship. We did have a mild flirtation, but nothing that stretched beyond the bar walls.
Over the next few months, I began to look forward to running into Martin. It was almost the perfect relationship. We saw each other once or twice a week, were fond of each other, and didn’t complicate things with sex or relationship talk. I filed him under “Acquaintance That I Fancy.”
Around the same time, Colton’s birthday was coming up. D and I were invited to his house for the event. I was a tad nervous, wondering if Martin would be there. Would things be different outside the haven of a bar? As it turned out, he was out of town. Phew!
Fashionable as always, we walked in and were immediately greeted with cocktails by Colton. Trendy and smart himself, Colton took us on the rounds. A few drinks and countless shots later, he had become extremely flirtatious. I was taken aback a bit. Then again, we were both single and tipsy, so I figured ‘Why not?’ We ended up fooling around once the rest of the guests had departed. No sex, just some heavy-petting…with our clothes off.
The next week when Martin returned, D and I met him out. It was becoming more and more difficult to see him just as an acquaintance. After some liquid courage, I decided to stop worrying about ‘What if?’ and insinuated that he should take me back to his place. To my astonishment, he was all for it.
Erik Fact: It’s almost impossible to picture how we look in someone else’s eyes. Our insecurities can distort who we imagine ourselves to be. Natural confidence –not strutting cockiness is a huge turn on. Confidence comes from knowing your personal strengths.
I knew Martin was successful and affluent, but didn’t realize how much so until we pulled up to his high-rise. On the elevator ride to his condo, I watched the numbers above the door get higher and higher. It turned out he worked as a marketing manager for a large technology company.
Even as we undressed each other and he climbed on top of me, a part of me couldn’t help but feel as if I was breaking some social rule and dating outside my caste. As he kissed my lips and worked his way down my neck, I couldn’t help but glance around his condo and secretly guess the brand and value of each piece of artwork and furniture. Britto, Armani, and Versace, oh my!
I didn’t let my fears get to me and enjoyed my evening with Martin. After all, it could be my only shot.
The next morning as I was getting dressed for work, Martin walked over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist.
“I’d love to take you out for a meal,” he articulated.
I could swoon. Even the way he talked was eloquent.
At dinner later that week, I wondered if I should mention my tryst with Colton. Granted, it was before Martin and I started dating but they were friends and didn’t want it to reveal itself at an inopportune time.
“No,” my friend D stated when I asked his advice. “Are you nuts? It has nothing to do with you and Martin. It was before you started dating, so it’s moot.”
I understood and agreed, but when I didn’t hear from Martin for over a week and didn’t see him out at our usual nightspots, I felt a bout of doom. As weeks passed and my phone calls went unreturned, I knew it was over. What happened?
Months later, I ran into Colton. For my own sanity and curiosity, I had to ask him what he knew. He said he had mentioned our hook-up to Martin and that was the reason he ended things. Apparently, he felt I was deceitful for not telling him.
I wondered if I should have told Martin myself. At the same time, I still look back and ask myself, ‘What is the pertinence in disclosing a meaningless hook-up that happened prior to starting a new relationship?’
As childish as Martin’s reasoning seemed and as pissed as I was for Colton for revealing unviable information, I simply had to tell myself that Martin didn’t want to be with me anymore. And he didn’t have the guts to tell me that to my face. Case closed.