June 21

Getting Back on the Saddle, Date #2

Posted by ErikRaymond on June 21, 2013 in Fire Down Below | Leave a comment

Date #2:

Later that week, I decided to look for a date the old-fashioned, tried and true way…the internet. Ok, I didn’t say it was the right way. After searching the personals on my favorite gay dating website and logging on and chatting for hours, I thought I had found a match. His profile seemed to be right up my alley; “35 year old, masculine, solid, conservative, loving” and his picture seemed to match what he was selling. So, the next day we agreed to meet for coffee at my favorite Starbuck’s. I walked up to the door and a man stopped me. “Are you Erik?” he questioned, smiling under his Yosemite Sam mustache. I acknowledged, half-smiling. ‘O.K.,’ I thought. So, he’s not exactly like his picture. I won’t judge just yet.

We went in and ordered our coffee, and then it was out onto the patio to talk. The more we talked, or rather I talked to fill the awkward silence of his simply staring/studying me as if I was his next victim or that he hoped I’d fit into the gay boy skin suit he’d made something, I realized I was on a date with “Rain Man.” When he did talk, he’d make these crappy, offensive jokes and comments and when I wouldn’t laugh, he tried to recover by saying, “just kiddin’.” Maybe it’s just me, but if you have to say ‘just kiddin’ after making a joke, You’re Not Funny! I sat across from him thinking that apparently “31 yr. old, masculine, solid-build, fun, conservative, and loving” translates to “Fat, dated clothes from the House of Helen Keller, i.e.; tucked in sports jersey, faded black tapered jeans and white Nikes. Loving means looking desperately for a long-term relationship or that I’m going to be kept in a well in his basement. And fun means no personality and will laugh at all of your jokes. Good grief. I had to get out.

I was tiring myself out doing all the talking. I tried my damndest to turn him off, but he kept trying to “figure me out.” Ahhh! I’ve had it! Finally, I went inside “to use the restroom” and had my friend call me on my cell when I went back outside and pretend to be my job calling me in early. Back to the drawing board.

Stay tuned for Part 3…